Blog

the push..marriage

Two Summers ago, I briefly dated someone who I kind of hit it off with.  At the end of Summer 2017 he was scheduled to move to Vancouver for a year for a Orthopedic fellowship.  There was no guarantee when (or if) he would return, so things ended but we still remained in contact.

Recently he returned to New England and messaged me asking to meet up this weekend.  Within the first five minutes, the conversation quickly went to marriage.

“Why aren’t you married?” “Are you seeing anyone?” “Are you having sex?” “Why don’t you settle down with him?”     …total sensory overload.

This made me wonder, why do people feel it is acceptable to ask me why I’m not married? 

I can’t even count how many times this question comes up.  At Holidays, reunions, family events, etc.  Constantly I am having to defend why I’m not married.   Honestly, I feel at my age I am probably not going to get married. I don’t even like to be touched by 99% of people I meet, let alone move forward in any kind of physical relationship.  I am probably a asexual at this point, like  a plant–maybe a hosta or a fern.  I never use to feel this way, but the older I get and the longer I have been alone, the happier I have become.

I just wrote my rent check, all by myself.  I didn’t have to split it with anyone.  I didn’t have to fight over money, or sleep on the couch at all in the past month.  I went out last weekend, and when I came home I didn’t have anyone waiting for an explanation as to why I was out so late.  Yes, I know these aren’t healthy examples of a relationship, but they have been my experiences.  I can take a shower for 20 minutes or 30 minutes for 3 days straight– if I wanted to, and I have no one to answer to.

Now I am pushing mid-30’s, most of my peers are married, but who are they married to?  Husbands that work seasonal jobs and are constantly unemployed?  Husbands who come home from work and drink too much beer? Husbands who want to relax all weekend with their ass stuck to the couch and yelling at the football game? Is that what I’m missing out on?  Is the prize at the bottom of my husband’s empty beer cans?  The ones he leaves all over the living room for me to clean up?

I want to find someone because I genuinely want to find a partner, not because I need one.  I’m not ready to settle —is actually— I don’t need to settle. I have been fine alone for a long time.  I have awesome friends that fill my lonely nights, work to keep my mind busy.  I have the exercise and nature to help me feel balance and love from my family to make me feel complete.   Most of all, every night I sleep smack-dab in the middle of my bed.

The best part?  I am not alone.   If you Google “why are single women happy?” you will find a plethora of articles supporting that single women are poled to be happier than coupled women, or single and/or coupled men.  In fact, it is a stigma associated with unmarried women that leads society to believe otherwise.

See articles below:

https://www.iflscience.com/editors-blog/women-are-happier-single-as-being-in-a-relationship-means-more-work-/

https://www.businessinsider.com/why-women-are-happier-when-theyre-single-than-men-2017-11

https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/11/13/women-happier-being-single-than-men_a_23275651/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201701/is-it-true-single-women-and-married-men-do-best

I’m annoyed that I have to constantly answer why I’m not married.  The next time someone dares to ask me why I’m not married yet,  I’m going to ask them why they are.

Image result for hosta plant clip art

 

 

I expect you to be everything I am not

Tinder profiles commonly boast the same statement; “searching for my unicorn.” What exactly does that mean?

Everyone is searching for that special someone to partner with.  Online dating provides the convenience of “shopping” for someone who identically matches the criteria you desire.  Too short? Go left. Good job? Go right. Has a moustache and looks like a pedophile? Block. The initial step of weeding out prospects is quite easy and relatively painless.

Last night I matched up with a cute guy with a red beard and a baseball hat.  His profile description was fairly simple, “Looking for someone that knows what they want from life.” Great!  I love it!  I have always been a big fan of having a plan.  I have a plan for everything I do, and paired with my plan is usually a list, and a dozen or so Post-It notes. Not everyone has a plan, not everyone knows what they want in life; which is fine.

I started talking to this guy, Dan. Dan is 29 years old, and planning to go back to school for phlebotomy, he currently works in the Deli at a local grocery store.  I noticed he went to school at UMass, as a fellow UMass alumni I asked him what his major was.  Dan studied in psychology and philosophy (..random).  He decided later on that he didn’t want to do either. He briefly worked as a CNA, but decided he hated it and quit; however, in the next breath he told me if phlebotomy doesn’t work out he might go back to school for nursing.  I didn’t want to tell him that nursing and being a nurse aide are… well… kind of similar.

I find it puzzling that we expect our partners to manifest qualities, that we ourselves, don’t possess.  How dare someone go online and expect their partner to know what they want in life, yet they can’t choose between getting tacos or cheesecake for lunch.  Online dating has reinforced this entitled generation of millennials (yes, I can say that because I am a millennial) to expect a unicorn-style prospect to emerge from a dating app when, they themselves haven’t so much as left their mother’s basement.  I expect you to be everything that I am not.  What drives this thought process?  When I think about it, my initial reaction is narcissism, and it turns me off from online dating altogether.  I will never fit your mold, and I certainly cannot be something you are not.

Cuffing Season & Turkey

The online dating scene this time of year is in surplus. In between the Thanksgiving turkey and opening Christmas gifts; single people everywhere are desperately looking for an escape, right into someone else’s arms.  The forced family interactions coupled with short/cold days seem to leave people desperate for the company of someone new.

I woke up this Thanksgiving Day morning to temperatures in the teens. It certainly didn’t help that the heat in my apartment was off and I could practically see my breath.  I thought how nice it must be to have someone else’s body heat.  I can’t even remember what that is like, after sleeping alone for nearly two years. Eventually I managed to get out of bed, spend about an hour in the shower, then began dinner for my family; who invited themselves to my place for the Holiday.

I spent Thanksgiving listening to boring stories about my mom’s job, details of my sister’s wedding-planning, and background noise of Yoshi’s World from my child’s video game. I drowned myself in Merlot and swiped right, a lot, in between playing host/cook/servant. Forced interaction with the family is painful.  I dislike Holidays with my family so much so that I have faked-ill every Christmas for the past 15 years… I think they’re catching on. And judging by the Tinder traffic today, I am not alone.

So why is it that everyone was on Tinder today? I believe it is because Cuffing Season is officially upon us. Urban Dictionary describes Cuffing Season as:

During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.”

 

 

The concept is simple. It is cold and dark outside which forces people to stay indoors (of course unless you are one of those crazy skiing people). Tinder contenders are looking for a long-term hook up partner to last them through the dreaded Winter months.  This Cuffing commitment is waived sometime in the Spring.

I have never participated in Cuffing Season myself, but after playing real-life survivor in the Tundra of my bedroom last night, I am interested.  Interested. Cold. Bored. Non- crazy- skier… AND currently holding 714 matches in my Tinder queue, I’m ready to be cuffed!

Italian Stallion

Gaetano was my 1st ‘first-date’ since last Summer; so to honor my blog, I bit the bullet and dipped my toes back into the online dating pool.

Gaetano just moved to America from Italy last week, on a work Visa. I was his first ‘American’ Tinder date.

Let me quickly say— there are many, many reasons to date a European; they dress nice, they eat well, they tend to be very open and forthcoming, they don’t have dirt and shit under their nails, great sex drive, and most of all it guarantees a vacation with your own personal tour guide—did I say that out loud?

On our date, Gaetano and I went out to dinner for Greek (my absolute favorite). Gaetano is ridiculously attractive (see picture). He spoke English very, very well.  He told me he learned English from watching American movies. He knew a lot of pop culture as well, it was actually very impressive.

Halfway through my heap of stuffed grape leaves we started talking about online dating and recent relationships. Gaetano says to me, “I had four girlfriends this year.  They all loved me, but I didn’t love them back, it’s okay though I told them I didn’t love them in the beginning.  One of them is still mad”.  He said this to me in the exact same way Juan Pablo said this to Andi on The Bachelor.  “Itssssss okayyyy” … and with that, I was done.

Through this date I learned that the bullshit games men play are international. I was then able to teach him a new American phrase, leading someone on.  Europeans are just like us, but they might have more sex.  We spent the next day shopping for furniture at IKEA, I then taught him the words ‘ugly’ and ‘tacky’.  Although there was no chemistry, we might actually be new friends.

Aquarius love

I have developed a true love for astrology. I think it began when one day I realized that every boyfriend I have ever dated, was born in May or the end of April.  Astrologers believe that Taurus’s are best matched with other Taurus’s and my own experiences have validated this.  Related image

Chances are if you are a Taurus, Gemini, Ares, Pisces, Scorpio or Leo, I can guess your sign. The accuracy is getting so good that I threaten my boss to leave my job to join the circus.  Although I haven’t developed better accuracy with the other zodiac signs, I’m getting better.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Robert messaged me on Tinder a couple months ago; but, unfortunately, I was slow to respond, and one-week later Robert had found the love of this life though the jungle of online dating.  A couple months had passed since our quick conversation; until, last weekend Robert popped back up in my inbox. Shockingly his soul mate (nor the two girls he dated after her) ended up working out.  Robert and I started texting again and he explained how the last three girls didn’t work out; he was quite a chatter. At the ripe age of 31 he was married and divorced, twice.  Until he found the love of his life, Kate.  Kate didn’t need him “emotionally, financially or socially” and that is why they didn’t work out.

Are you taking notes with all this?

In between his trips down memory lane I managed to get a quick question in… “Are you an Aquarius?” His response?  “Yes”. 

Now I don’t claim to be an expert with the air sign, I can say every Aquarius that I know, personally, seems to be very emotionally needy. Aquarius’s are deep thinkers, good communicators, and risk-takers when it comes to love.  Shocker.

While I was googling more about Robert’s sign he was telling me about a girl he met last Friday night,  and deep deep details about their date. Mind you, I have never met Robert, and I have only had two conversations with him, ever.  Even so, he claimed he wanted to be “open and honest” with me.  I can’t tell anymore as to what happened between Robert and I because when I learned details of his Friday-night-date’s menstrual cycle, I quickly ended the conversation.

Regardless of your zodiac signs or moons or stars or extraterrestrial activity, bringing up past relationships is generally not a good idea 20 minutes into a conversation with someone new. Brining up every girl, wife, ex, etc.  in your life and significant details about their private life is not appropriate or appreciated by the girl you are trying to “court”.  Image result for taurus zodiac

C’mon guys.  Where are my Taurus men at??

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑