Couldn’t understand why my weekend was date-less; now I understand.
Online dating, the millennial way…
The online dating scene this time of year is in surplus. In between the Thanksgiving turkey and opening Christmas gifts; single people everywhere are desperately looking for an escape, right into someone else’s arms. The forced family interactions coupled with short/cold days seem to leave people desperate for the company of someone new.
I woke up this Thanksgiving Day morning to temperatures in the teens. It certainly didn’t help that the heat in my apartment was off and I could practically see my breath. I thought how nice it must be to have someone else’s body heat. I can’t even remember what that is like, after sleeping alone for nearly two years. Eventually I managed to get out of bed, spend about an hour in the shower, then began dinner for my family; who invited themselves to my place for the Holiday.
I spent Thanksgiving listening to boring stories about my mom’s job, details of my sister’s wedding-planning, and background noise of Yoshi’s World from my child’s video game. I drowned myself in Merlot and swiped right, a lot, in between playing host/cook/servant. Forced interaction with the family is painful. I dislike Holidays with my family so much so that I have faked-ill every Christmas for the past 15 years… I think they’re catching on. And judging by the Tinder traffic today, I am not alone.
So why is it that everyone was on Tinder today? I believe it is because Cuffing Season is officially upon us. Urban Dictionary describes Cuffing Season as:
“During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.”
The concept is simple. It is cold and dark outside which forces people to stay indoors (of course unless you are one of those crazy skiing people). Tinder contenders are looking for a long-term hook up partner to last them through the dreaded Winter months. This Cuffing commitment is waived sometime in the Spring.
I have never participated in Cuffing Season myself, but after playing real-life survivor in the Tundra of my bedroom last night, I am interested. Interested. Cold. Bored. Non- crazy- skier… AND currently holding 714 matches in my Tinder queue, I’m ready to be cuffed!
Gaetano was my 1st ‘first-date’ since last Summer; so to honor my blog, I bit the bullet and dipped my toes back into the online dating pool.
Gaetano just moved to America from Italy last week, on a work Visa. I was his first ‘American’ Tinder date.
Let me quickly say— there are many, many reasons to date a European; they dress nice, they eat well, they tend to be very open and forthcoming, they don’t have dirt and shit under their nails, great sex drive, and most of all it guarantees a vacation with your own personal tour guide—did I say that out loud?
On our date, Gaetano and I went out to dinner for Greek (my absolute favorite). Gaetano is ridiculously attractive (see picture). He spoke English very, very well. He told me he learned English from watching American movies. He knew a lot of pop culture as well, it was actually very impressive.
Halfway through my heap of stuffed grape leaves we started talking about online dating and recent relationships. Gaetano says to me, “I had four girlfriends this year. They all loved me, but I didn’t love them back, it’s okay though I told them I didn’t love them in the beginning. One of them is still mad”. He said this to me in the exact same way Juan Pablo said this to Andi on The Bachelor. “Itssssss okayyyy” … and with that, I was done.
Through this date I learned that the bullshit games men play are international. I was then able to teach him a new American phrase, leading someone on. Europeans are just like us, but they might have more sex. We spent the next day shopping for furniture at IKEA, I then taught him the words ‘ugly’ and ‘tacky’. Although there was no chemistry, we might actually be new friends.
When you say you aren’t picky but…..
those Tinder guys that low-key invite you out at 10:39p on a Saturday night… 🤦🏻♀️
I have developed a true love for astrology. I think it began when one day I realized that every boyfriend I have ever dated, was born in May or the end of April. Astrologers believe that Taurus’s are best matched with other Taurus’s and my own experiences have validated this.
Chances are if you are a Taurus, Gemini, Ares, Pisces, Scorpio or Leo, I can guess your sign. The accuracy is getting so good that I threaten my boss to leave my job to join the circus. Although I haven’t developed better accuracy with the other zodiac signs, I’m getting better.
Robert messaged me on Tinder a couple months ago; but, unfortunately, I was slow to respond, and one-week later Robert had found the love of this life though the jungle of online dating. A couple months had passed since our quick conversation; until, last weekend Robert popped back up in my inbox. Shockingly his soul mate (nor the two girls he dated after her) ended up working out. Robert and I started texting again and he explained how the last three girls didn’t work out; he was quite a chatter. At the ripe age of 31 he was married and divorced, twice. Until he found the love of his life, Kate. Kate didn’t need him “emotionally, financially or socially” and that is why they didn’t work out.
Are you taking notes with all this?
In between his trips down memory lane I managed to get a quick question in… “Are you an Aquarius?” His response? “Yes”.
Now I don’t claim to be an expert with the air sign, I can say every Aquarius that I know, personally, seems to be very emotionally needy. Aquarius’s are deep thinkers, good communicators, and risk-takers when it comes to love. Shocker.
While I was googling more about Robert’s sign he was telling me about a girl he met last Friday night, and deep deep details about their date. Mind you, I have never met Robert, and I have only had two conversations with him, ever. Even so, he claimed he wanted to be “open and honest” with me. I can’t tell anymore as to what happened between Robert and I because when I learned details of his Friday-night-date’s menstrual cycle, I quickly ended the conversation.
Regardless of your zodiac signs or moons or stars or extraterrestrial activity, bringing up past relationships is generally not a good idea 20 minutes into a conversation with someone new. Brining up every girl, wife, ex, etc. in your life and significant details about their private life is not appropriate or appreciated by the girl you are trying to “court”.
C’mon guys. Where are my Taurus men at??
Thursday evening one of my girlfriends texted me, “Hey what are you up to this weekend? Do you want to go to on a road trip?”
Less than 24 hours later, I left my job and staff -mid-shift- to embark on an 18-hour drive. With only a backpack in tow, and bikini bottoms in lieu of underwear, we got in her car and heading South towards Nashville.
When we finally arrived to the City of Music, we were greeted by handful of her friends who were also staying in town. That evening we spent hours bar hopping with the group, before eventually breaking away from the pack. We found our way across the street at a three-story live-music bar called, Honky Tonk. The bar boasted large balconies overlooking the famous Nashville strip. It was on this balcony, where we met James and Steven; when they nonchalantly decided to photobomb our selfie overlooking the neon lights of Broadway. Both from LA, James and Steven were also visiting the Nashville with a small group of friends for the weekend. The four of us spent the night hopping from bar to bar listening to live music, sipping Jack and Cokes and enjoying each other’s company. The night ended on the 37th floor of The Westin, with a new friend and a spectacular 360- view of the city.
Although there was great conversation with the LA boys, that is not what prompted me to write a blog entry. As I sit on my flight back to Boston, I can’t help but be grateful for my experience this weekend. To be in Nashville; meet new people, see new places, make new memories. It was honestly perfect.
When I initially found myself newly single; nearly two years ago, I was plagued by anxiety. Everything bothered me. Watching TV, alone. Going places on the weekends, alone. Holidays, alone. Sleeping every night, alone. With time, I learned to be content with my life, alone. This weekend with the Nashville girls, I heard stories of cheating boyfriends, failed relationships and wasted years with the ‘wrong one’. Listening to other people’s relationship experiences brought back memories of my own. Years I spent in a relationship with someone who was toxic. Someone who had such low self-esteem he projected his own deficiencies onto me in the form of jealous and control.
Where would my life be today if I were still with him? Would I be in Nashville? Definitely not. I wasn’t allowed to have my own identity with him. I was in a relationship where I morphed into the person I was with. After hearing similar relationship stories this weekend, it seems I’m not the only one. Why are we so quick to sacrifice our own happiness for the people we are with? I love to travel. I love to pick up and go; no notice, no planning, no bullshit. Sometimes the best adventures are the ones you never saw coming. I appreciated this weekend on such a deep level. For me, it was much more than just a trip away, it was recognition of not only being content as a single woman, but to look at the past and recognize that I am actually grateful for the single life I have.
There is a certain formula that comes with online dating that you must learn before you can begin.
Matches mean nothing-
At any given time you can find a match. I can easily get 30 or so matches in an hour of swiping (sans carpal tunnel). I think at one time my Tinder boasted 600+ connections.
Of your matches, 10% or so will contact you. Of those 10%, 1 in 10 will still be talking to you after 3 days. Actually going on a date? Forget it. I think I’ve met less than ten of my online connections, ten out of 600. True Story.
Tuesday and Wednesdays are the best days to match, anything before Tuesday is too far from the weekend. Many times my matches will talk until Friday and then ghost until Monday of the following week, this is known as the weekend fade-away, it’s normal. If they faded you out for the weekend, they will most certainly ghost you in the next 24-48 hours.
Anyone that messages you on Friday night at 9:52p with “what are you up to tonight?” isn’t worth the effort. Anyone that consistently messages you for over a week, without meeting is… married. Anyone that messages you without any sort of conversational depth, is pooping. If you have a first date and a *gasp* great connection with someone that is “too busy” to meet up for another 2 or 3 weeks you are the sidepiece to the sidepiece.
Thank u, next.