he has a girlfriend..

Six weeks ago (whoa I haven’t blogged in a while) I went on yet another online first date. It was the same mediocre thing. I met a successful, goofy-looking, comb-over, finance-guy in Quincy, had a quick drink and then went our separate ways.  There was no connection and the conversation was painfully boring. It was early on a Saturday evening when I headed back towards home.  I stopped off at the gym for a quick swim.

Every Saturday night I swim at the gym.  The pool is empty on weekend-nights so its my opportunity to practice all the weird shit I don’t want to practice when there are other people around, like: open turns, flip turns, and deck ups, etc.  Anything that may result in injury that I wouldn’t want an audience for.

After my swim I threw on a sweatshirt and headed for the exit, that’s when my friend Robert invited me out for a quick drink.

Robert has been helping me swim for the past six months. To be honest, I am only a halfway decent swimmer because of him.  He helped me a lot with my form and taught me drills to help with pulls and back-kicks.  Robert and I went out to grab a drink and ended up talking for a couple hours.  It wasn’t a date it was just two people (two Taurus’s..) hanging out outside of the gym.

The conversation was effortless. We talked about everything and I gave him my number and left.  I remember thinking that evening that THAT was how it was supposed to be, effortless. Nothing like the first dates I’ve been on lately.

The next day he texted me and suggested we go out for drinks again, which we did.

What has transpired over the past six weeks is difficult to explain. It was like discovering chemistry with someone who I  already knew. I always liked him, even looked forward to seeing him, but I never saw him in that light before.  He wasn’t traditionally the type of guy I would go for, but after our first date I actively looked past any stereotypes and was open to whatever happens, happens.  Because him and I were already friendly for quite a while it was easy to trust him and everything flowed naturally.

This past weekend something felt aloof, so I avoided the gym and gave him space.   Monday morning he texted me..

“hey, I hate to tell you this, but I’ve been seeing this girl and she wants to be serious, so I cant see you anymore.” 

I cant even describe the shock from getting that message. This was someone who claimed he wasn’t seeing anyone else just a few weeks before.

I didn’t say much or react much but I was so taken off guard, but I felt lied to.  A few hours later his name popped on my phone when he ‘liked’ a picture of mine on Instagram. Now I was angry, what a nonchalant thing to do after he hurt me. To avoid anymore games I blocked him and his number every way possible.

Now I am here, today.

I started this blog to hold myself accountable to dating and to attempt to meet someone. I still don’t know how I feel about the bullshit Robert pulled but I’m not as angry as I probably should be.

This entire scenario and how it played out is very much the reason I didn’t date at all last year. Everyone is in it for their own best interest, even the people you think you know.  Dating is tiring and its a roller-coaster of emotions.  I expect nothing from strangers, but I expected more from him.  The disappointment and regret from everything that happened the last six weeks is just sitting on me like weight.  I am just sad that I lost someone I considered a friend and I wish the whole thing didn’t happen.  I feel how I felt in 2018, I just want to be left alone.

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