Two Summers ago, I briefly dated someone who I kind of hit it off with. At the end of Summer 2017 he was scheduled to move to Vancouver for a year for a Orthopedic fellowship. There was no guarantee when (or if) he would return, so things ended but we still remained in contact.
Recently he returned to New England and messaged me asking to meet up this weekend. Within the first five minutes, the conversation quickly went to marriage.
“Why aren’t you married?” “Are you seeing anyone?” “Are you having sex?” “Why don’t you settle down with him?” …total sensory overload.
This made me wonder, why do people feel it is acceptable to ask me why I’m not married?
I can’t even count how many times this question comes up. At Holidays, reunions, family events, etc. Constantly I am having to defend why I’m not married. Honestly, I feel at my age I am probably not going to get married. I don’t even like to be touched by 99% of people I meet, let alone move forward in any kind of physical relationship. I am probably a asexual at this point, like a plant–maybe a hosta or a fern. I never use to feel this way, but the older I get and the longer I have been alone, the happier I have become.
I just wrote my rent check, all by myself. I didn’t have to split it with anyone. I didn’t have to fight over money, or sleep on the couch at all in the past month. I went out last weekend, and when I came home I didn’t have anyone waiting for an explanation as to why I was out so late. Yes, I know these aren’t healthy examples of a relationship, but they have been my experiences. I can take a shower for 20 minutes or 30 minutes for 3 days straight– if I wanted to, and I have no one to answer to.
Now I am pushing mid-30’s, most of my peers are married, but who are they married to? Husbands that work seasonal jobs and are constantly unemployed? Husbands who come home from work and drink too much beer? Husbands who want to relax all weekend with their ass stuck to the couch and yelling at the football game? Is that what I’m missing out on? Is the prize at the bottom of my husband’s empty beer cans? The ones he leaves all over the living room for me to clean up?
I want to find someone because I genuinely want to find a partner, not because I need one. I’m not ready to settle —is actually— I don’t need to settle. I have been fine alone for a long time. I have awesome friends that fill my lonely nights, work to keep my mind busy. I have the exercise and nature to help me feel balance and love from my family to make me feel complete. Most of all, every night I sleep smack-dab in the middle of my bed.
The best part? I am not alone. If you Google “why are single women happy?” you will find a plethora of articles supporting that single women are poled to be happier than coupled women, or single and/or coupled men. In fact, it is a stigma associated with unmarried women that leads society to believe otherwise.
See articles below:
I’m annoyed that I have to constantly answer why I’m not married. The next time someone dares to ask me why I’m not married yet, I’m going to ask them why they are.